Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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