Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
