We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
