You made me cry and you don't even care
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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