the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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