I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
