Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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