Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
