Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
