marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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