Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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