i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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