Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ketchup is God's man juice
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Boobs speak an international language.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
