Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
