i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
