Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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