I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
