I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
