I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
