Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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