There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
