by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
