i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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