please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
