i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
