i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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