i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
