super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
