theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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