You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
