After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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