You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
