you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
wow bdsm is so cute
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
