Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
