My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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