There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
