she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
