I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
