My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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