Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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