I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
