He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
50% drunk capacity currently
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
