Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
