So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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