he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
