its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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