is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
