I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
