bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
