Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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