my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
