He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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