you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
