Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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