Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
