Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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