i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize