I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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