i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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