So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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