I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
