i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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